Walt Disney World Railroad: I happen to know that trains can be a great method of escaping from a zombie invasion. However, this train just runs in a circle, doesn’t reach a very high speed and makes frequent stops. Definitely not a good place to seek refuge. 2/10
Enchanted Tiki Room: Well, you’re basically in a dark room with a few doors. This might make a good hiding place to catch your breath, but definitely not a good place to set up a safe zone. 5/10
Jungle Cruise: Working pistols would certainly help to make this a more ideal location, but it’s not too terrible to begin with. Boats with functioning motors might give you a greater level of control over your mobility than most attractions would. There’s also quite a few human figures in this attraction, which may distract the zombies from the actual humans! 6/10
Pirates of the Caribbean: A lot of human figurines again allow for a good number of distractions. Biggest con here: the fire is fake and so are all of the weapons. I’ve never actually researched it, so I suppose some of the swords may actually be “real” but you’d probably want a more long-range weapon to fend off zombies. Boats would leave you trapped with little hope of escape. 5/10
Swiss Family Treehouse: If you can remain hidden here, you could remain safe for a while. However, if the zombies get word of your whereabouts, you’re done for. 6/10
Big Thunder Mountain: A mine train seems like a great escape vehicle, but the ride’s currently under refurbishment. Construction sites could provide with a wide variety of tools to be used as weapons. If the queue area is still totally disassembled, there’d be a nice open area to set up a camp. 7/10
Country Bear Jamboree: This seems like a terrible safe zone for a zombie invasion, but I have a rule against ever rating the Country Bear Jamboree lower than 7 out of 10 for anything at all. 7/10
Splash Mountain: Everybody has a laughin place, and this one would be a great laughin place for zombies as they feast on your brains while you’re trapped in a log. 2/10
Tom Sawyer Island: A remote island only reachable by raft. As long as zombies don’t figure out how to work the rafts, you could last a while here. Plenty of places to hide out, a fort for defense. Vending machines to raid. The only way this location could be better is if Aunt Polly’s was still open. Unfortunately, you’ll have to settle with the food in the vending machines. 9/10
Hall of Presidents: Yeah, a room full of dead guys. You really think you’re gonna be safe here? The attraction will turn on you in an instant! 1/10
Haunted Mansion: See the Hall of Presidents. Liberty Square is not the place for you to avoid zombies. 1/10
UNLESS....
Liberty Square Riverboat: A big fancy riverboat you can take out on the water? Yeah, this seems like a great place to hide out. Plenty of space to set up anything you need and the ability to isolate yourself from the zombies. There’s even a snack stand near the loading dock where you can stock up on supplies before casting off! You can probably manage to dock over on Tom Sawyer Island for a while, giving you the advantages of that as well. This may just be THE best choice! 10/10
The Fantasyland Dark Rides: All of these are terrible choices and you will be devoured by zombies quickly. Carts on a track that you have no control over, lap bars keeping you from escaping. Death sentences, the lot of them. 1/10
it’s a small world: This is a slightly better location than Pooh or Snow White, but still retains many of the disadvantages seen there. 2/10
Dumbo: About 10 feet up in the air, spinning around. You could last for a while but you’ve gotta get down eventually. 4/10
Mad Tea Party: If you keep the ride running, you could avoid zombies by just spinning around really fast. Certainly not a good long-term choice. 3/10
Astro Orbiter: A better choice than Dumbo due to the height, but you still can’t stay there forever. 5/10
Buzz Lightyear’s Space Ranger Spin: I’m not sure if lasers work on zombies or not. If they do, this could be a prime location. Otherwise worthless. 1/10 or 10/10 i’m not sure
Space Mountain: This could be more thrilling than the Fantasyland dark rides but it retains their disadvantages. “Thrilling” isn’t something you need right now anyway. 2/10
Carousel of Progress: You think this is a good safe zone? Really? You don’t think John would snap at any second? You really think Jimmy’s just holding that knife to carve a jack-o-lantern and not to stab you? Make no mistake, this whole family is on the side of zombies. If you hide out here, it won’t be a burning turkey in the oven, it’ll be your head! 0/10
Tomorrowland Speedway: At last! An escape vehicle! Oh, it’s stuck on a railing and won’t go over 5 miles per hour? Good luck with that.
Stitch’s Great Escape: No.
Monsters Inc. Laugh Floor: This is no time for laughs, your life is in danger! I’m pretty sure Mike and Sulley are in cahoots with the zombies anyway. Monstropolis wasn’t always powered by laughter, it was powered by screams! You’ll be doing plenty of screaming if you try to hide here. 1/10
So to conclude: @wdwfigment was on the right track from the beginning. The best place to hide out could certainly be Tom Sawyer Island. However, the potential for the Liberty Square Riverboat to be used in conjunction with the island makes the riverboat a vital vehicle in your survival. Hell, you could use the riverboat as an escape vehicle and take it into the Seven Seas Lagoon. If the outbreak is contained within the Magic Kingdom, the Liberty Square Riverboat is definitely your safe zone of choice. If it has spread to the rest of the resort, it’s still a great choice.
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